Dear Married Woman: Don’t Forget Your Single Friends

For those of you who don’t know, I’m one of those stereotypical Christian college girls who got married right after graduation. I started dating my husband as a sophomore in college, did the whole “ring by spring” tradition our senior year, and got married shortly after. I was a fresh 22 when I walked down the aisle, and I have now been married for 6 years (has it really been that long?!).

This means I was only single as an “adult” for one year of my life. And let’s face it...we aren’t truly “adults” in college, so that means I have never really experienced being single in the real world.

I do, however, have quite a few friends who are single. They tell me about the good parts, the lonely parts, the parts where you have to do all of the chores by yourself, and everything in between.

“I understand.”

The empathetic part of me wants to say “I understand,” but the truth is that I don’t fully understand what it is like to be in their shoes.

Although I never in a million years thought I would be the girl who got married so young, I am. I have someone to eat dinner with every night, to comfort me when I’m sad, and to laugh with as we watch our favorite shows. I have a built-in friend around me through most of my day. I can count the number of times I’ve taken the garbage out myself on one hand and I’ve never mowed our lawn.

I don’t know what it is like to come home after a long, stressful day and not have someone to vent to unless I call a friend or my mom. I don’t know what it’s like to have my car break down and have to worry about which friend to inconvenience to come get me. I don’t know what it’s like to sit in church and hear people say things like “marriage and motherhood are the highest calling a woman can have” (which isn’t biblical, but that’s a topic for another day).

I also don’t know the pain of being excluded by friends simply because I’m single.

Unfortunately, it happens all of the time. People get married and all of the sudden only spend time with other couples. As women, I think it’s really easy to tell ourselves we have to have everything in common with someone to be a close friend: same interests, same personality, same life stage, etc.

That means we start making “couple friends” and inviting other couples over to dinner, going on double dates, arranging playdates for our kids, etc. These are great relationships, and there is nothing wrong with them. However, we slowly forget about our single friends and how important those friendships are.

Some people are single by choice, and others are single because they haven’t met the right person yet. Imagine that you are single, but you have a strong desire to be married someday. You also have the very normal desire for close friendships.

How frustrating would it be to never be invited to hang out with your friends simply because you aren’t married? Not only do you already have the pain that comes along with waiting to be married someday, you are also being excluded from friendship because you are not married. Talk about kicking you while you’re down.

Don’t Forget

So, married woman, don’t forget about your single friends. You need each other. Your single friend probably values spending time around your family, and you probably don’t even realize how nice it is to have a friend who can come hang out last minute because she doesn’t have to worry about taking care of kids or coordinating with her husband. Not only does she need you, but you need her. It’s okay if you are not in the same life stage...if you are willing to listen to one another and offer encouragement, you will find common ground no matter your marital status.

Are you single? What has your experience been like with married friends? Let me know in the comments!