When Adoption is "Plan A"

In October, Nick and I finalized the adoption of our beautiful daughter Brielle. After years of waiting, preparing, and praying, she is officially a Clark! Her adoption day was the realization of a dream that was planted as a seed in my heart years ago...it’s been beautiful watching that dream blossom into what it is today.

Halloween was pretty exciting this year!

Why Adoption is Often Plan B

When we tell people that we adopted our daughter, they often assume that we chose adoption as a “last resort” of sorts. The truth is that for many people, adoption is Plan B. Adopting means that they first went through years of infertility and possibly miscarriages or even IVF attempts. Most couples who end up adopting had never thought adoption would be in their future, or they assumed it would be after having several biological children.

These couples had dreams of children that share some of the same physical traits and maybe even some of the same personality quirks or interests as they do. For one reason or another, that dream never became a reality and now in the midst of their grief they are left with two options: give up the idea of being a parent or start the long and somewhat difficult adoption process. My heart breaks for these families. It is difficult to have a dream that is so pure and is easily attainable for other couples but eludes you for some reason.

As you can see, these families approach adoption as Plan B. It is not what they originally had hoped for, but they pursue it because they desperately want a family and they know that there is beauty in adoption.

Our Plan A

For Nick and I, adoption was not a last resort. For us, adoption is Plan A. We are the anomaly; we actually chose adoption over having biological kids, even though as far as we know we are capable of doing so.

While I do have a couple of health issues that could make pregnancy difficult, it is (as far as we know) not impossible or inadvisable for me to have biological kids.

It’s funny because I barely remember discussing adoption when we were dating. To be fair, we didn’t really talk about kids much then because we were like 20 and in college...but still.

Nick says he has thought about adopting for as long as he can remember. He doesn’t know when the thought first occurred to him, but he always thought he would. I had no clue that he had always felt that way. I, on the other hand, wasn't even sure if I wanted kids when I was younger, despite the fact that I loved interacting with kids. I knew several families who adopted and I could definitely see myself going down that route.

I Just Knew

The idea to adopt really struck me about two years into marriage. I can’t really pinpoint the exact moment, but I just knew in my heart that I was going to adopt a child someday. I’m not sure if it was an adoption story I heard, or if it just happened. I remember feeling this stirring in my heart that said, “I have to do this.” Unlike many women I know, I never felt that way about the idea of having biological kids.

My friends and family (lovingly) mock me for how long it takes me to decide on an outfit to wear or what to eat for dinner, but when it came to this decision I was confident that this was the path I was to take.

In a weird way, my decision to adopt was very practical. I knew that if I had several biological kids, my time, attention, and resources would go to them even though there are already so many children who are currently in need of families. It’s not that I think having biological kids is selfish or wrong...I think it’s beautiful and such a blessing! I just figured that if I don’t have this longing to give birth like so many women I know have, then why not pursue adoption?

The more I thought about it, the more I started to think that maybe I just wasn’t being called to have children biologically. Maybe I was called to adopt all of my children. I don’t know many women who want kids but don’t feel a strong desire to have biological children, but there I was. I was so nervous about how Nick would respond to this. What if he had dreams of our biological children? I didn’t want to disappoint him, but I knew I needed to share what was on my heart.

On the Same Page

To my surprise, Nick was completely on the same page. I was fairly confident he’d be open to adopting at least once, but I figured he would want to have at least one biological child, too. He said that while he would be open to that, he didn’t feel it was necessary. I agreed completely. Even though we both wholeheartedly still view adoption as Plan A for our family, we also play by the “never say never” rule when it comes to having bio kids. We aren’t pursuing it and it is unlikely, but we aren’t going to shut that door completely.

Just the Beginning

Needless to say, this journey of discovering that adoption was our Plan A was just the beginning! It was July of 2015 when we had this momentous conversation, and now it is over 4 years later and we have just finalized Brielle’s adoption! The waiting between then and now felt so long at times, but I’m thankful for each moment that led us to our daughter and the life we are building together as a family.

So, what made us want to adopt in the first place? Well, it's a beautiful picture of restoration, and we love a God who is all about restoration.

A Beautiful Mosaic

I still remember in elementary school when we learned about mosaics for the first time. I thought they were so beautiful, and I loved them even more when I realized that the intricate designs were made out of broken pieces of glass and pottery.

I’m sure we’ve all experienced breaking a glass, plate, vase, etc. at some point in our lives. Your breath catches in your throat as you wait for the crash. All of the sudden, something that served a purpose is gone, shattered on the ground. Mosaics are such a great art form because they allow us to take that broken teacup or plate and turn it into something beautiful.

To me, adoption is a beautiful mosaic. Adoption is born out of brokenness. Families that were designed to be together are separated due to death, addiction, abuse, and situations I can’t even begin to imagine. For the children who experience this loss, it’s like suddenly their lives are in pieces scattered on the floor, and their hands are empty. It reminds me so much of our fallen, broken world. Yet Christ comes, the one who created us to begin with, and restores us into something more beautiful than we could imagine.

Adoption means helping pick up the pieces of what was broken and allowing yourself to be broken in the process. Can we ever put that child’s life together exactly as it once was? Unfortunately, no. However, piece by piece, we can make a new creation that is so much more beautiful than any of us ever imagined.

Adoption allows me be part of a beautiful mosaic in the life of my children. I get to see God's work of redemption and restoration in someone’s life first-hand, and honestly there is nothing more beautiful.