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My husband Nick spent the last few years working with the youth at our church. On one of our first Sundays helping out in the middle school room, we decided to play “Never Have I Ever” to get to know some of them. When it was my turn, I said “never have I ever been homeschooled,” and almost every kid in the room audibly gasped. I’m not making this up. Some yelled, “NEVER?!” with horrified looks across their faces. One child even looked at me with pity and asked if my parents even loved me (still not sure if that was sarcasm or not...).
When Going to Public School is “Weird”
If that story doesn’t make it clear enough, then let me just say that homeschooling is a big deal in the area where we live. In fact, I would say the overwhelming majority of kids at our church are homeschooled. There is also a Christian school in town that a lot of the other kids attend, but even they are in the minority. That was definitely not the case where I grew up, so it was a little bit of a shock to me. I have never before been a part of a church community where so few kids attend public school!
It kind of cracks me up because the stereotype is that public school kids make fun of homeschooled kids a little bit because they are the minority. They joke about their nerdiness, social skills, etc. At our church, however, the public school kids are the ones “in the margins,” if you will. The public school kids are kind of like the second-class citizens because they are going through school in chronological order, one year at a time, instead of skipping grades and starting college classes when they are 15. I mean, public school kids take 10th grade English classes at the age of a typical 10th grader...what are they? Cavemen? ;)
Never Say Never
Okay, okay. Before you come at me with torches and pitchforks, let me say this: I have nothing against homeschooling. I think that for some families, it is a great option. There are definite benefits like being able to work at our own pace, getting to choose some interesting curriculum, having a more flexible schedule for your family, letting your kids do more outdoor learning, etc. My husband was homeschooled for a lot of his life, and I think he turned out great! I’m not even going to say I’ll never homeschool my kids. I really don’t know. That’s not my first choice, but I’m never going to write it off completely. The same goes for Christian school. I think it would be a great opportunity for Brielle to go to a Christian school, but I just don’t know yet if that is the path we will choose.
I just know that to a lot of Christian school and (especially) homeschool parents, “public school” is almost a dirty word. Here’s the thing though: I went to public school from Kindergarten through 12th grade, and I’m glad I did.
Believe me, there were times where I wished I didn’t go to public school. I remember as a kid where I asked my mom if I could be homeschooled like my friend Megan. I thought it was amazing that she always got to eat a homemade lunch, and I was pretty sure I could get away with wearing pajamas all day if I was home (that probably would NOT have been the case). My mom said no. My parents even looked into sending me to a private high school but ultimately decided against it because of the cost. I was really hoping I would be able to at the time, but looking back I’m honestly glad it didn’t work out.
Here’s why:
1. I learned how to work with all kinds of people
When you go to public school, you have much more diverse demographics than if you go to Christian school or if you are homeschooled (obviously). In fact, a big reason why I became an ESL teacher is because of how many Burmese refugees came to my school in 11th and 12th grade! Not only are public schools generally more racially diverse, but they also provide opportunities to interact with kids who have special needs or who are from different socio-economic backgrounds.
Sometimes this means you have to do a group project or even just sit by someone that is very different than you. You might not see eye to eye on some things, or you might even work with someone who has views that are totally opposite of your own. However, you have to learn to put aside your differences and work together. I’m not saying private school kids or homeschool kids don’t learn this lesson as well, but public school kids have to adapt to a much more diverse group of people.
Even though my high school was not as diverse as some, I still learned a lot about being around people who look, think, dress, speak, or act differently than I do. That experience would be almost impossible to replicate in a homeschool/Christian school environment. Sure, your family can be intentional about getting out into the community, but it's just not the same as going to school with people who are different from you day in and day out.
2. I saw poverty and difficult family situations on a personal level
In public school you are bound to meet students from low-income or abusive/negligent families. Although my school wasn’t poverty-stricken, I went to school with some kids who were from very hard places. Every so often my dad, who has worked as an administrator in public schools for years, would bring home a big bag of laundry from kids at school whose water had been shut off. These kids were stuck wearing dirty clothes and unable to shower for days or weeks at a time because their parents couldn’t afford the water bill.
One day, he drove me and my siblings through the very run-down neighborhood that some of these kids called home. He wanted us to see for ourselves how some of our classmates lived, and to understand that not everyone has a nice, clean place to come home to. The houses in this neighborhood were falling apart, some had broken windows that were just taped over with trash bags. My dad said that most didn’t have air conditioning and some didn’t even have heat during our long, cold winters. It was so eye-opening to see that place and think of some of the kids who I knew lived there. Some had parents who were alcoholics or drug addicts. It suddenly made sense to me why some of them acted out or had trouble turning in their work. I couldn’t imagine coming home to that type of environment.
Honestly will never forget that moment because it planted seeds of empathy in my heart. If you have the right attitude, the different life situations you are exposed to in public school can nurture your empathy in a way that Christian school and homeschool can’t. I know, we want to keep our kids “holy” so we want them to be around other “good” kids. However, sometimes in our Christian bubble, we confuse wealth and put-togetherness with holiness. Let’s not forget that it’s our put-together home, nice car, or a 401k that saves us; it’s Jesus.
3. My faith was strengthened and challenged
As you probably know, it’s not really considered “cool” to follow Jesus when you are in high school (or as an adult, to be honest). Sure, there were plenty of “good kids” who didn’t cheat, didn’t drink, didn’t party, didn’t sleep around, etc.They were still a bit of the exception, but they were there. In fact, most of them would probably say they believed in God. But to go farther than that? That was weird. You read your bible by yourself...because you want to? Strange. Wait, you pray...like not just before a meal or when you are actually at church/mass? Odd. You write for a Christian blog? Radical.
For me to choose to follow Jesus, I basically had to choose to do it boldly or not at all. I invited friends to church, offered to pray with people, and challenged people to think about what they believed and why they believed it. In doing this, God strengthened my faith so much. My faith was my own, not just to please my family. Sometimes I feel like my faith was stronger then than it is now. I know that’s not really true, but I had to choose each day to follow God when many around me thought it was just weird.
The really cool part of this story, however, is that I discovered there were other people at my school following Jesus like I was. Even though we were in different grades, different social circles, etc. we had our faith in common. We would pray for each other and encourage one another when we saw each other in the halls. Some of us were in a prayer group on Thursday mornings and could connect and talk about our faith. It was a community I didn’t expect to find, but I’m so glad I did. For the most part, I don’t even keep in touch with those people now, but they were instrumental to my faith at that time.
4. I had so many opportunities to share the gospel
When you are a high school student who is following Christ, no matter how imperfect you may be, people notice there is something different about you. You don’t cheat on tests, you don’t go out and drink on the weekends, you try to reach out and be kind to others who are excluded. I can’t tell you how many times I had classmates ask me “how are you such a good kid?” Instead of telling them, “well, I come from a good family, and I am just inherently good,” (ha!) I could tell them the truth…”Actually, I’m not a ‘good kid.’ I fail all of the time. Jesus is good. I want to be like Him. He is transforming my heart to be more like His.” It opened up doors for me to share the gospel.
Public high school students have such a unique opportunity to share the love of Jesus with their friends without the same “consequences” adults could face. Every day they are surrounded by people who don’t know Christ, and they are allowed to speak openly about their beliefs. Unlike teachers, they aren’t employed by the school. They can’t get fired or written up for sharing their faith. Not to mention that they have so many opportunities because, like I said earlier, people will notice that they live differently. The parents of public school students have a unique opportunity to share the gospel as well. They can reach out to their kids’ friends, fellow parents, etc. The worst that can happen is that someone might reject them because of their faith, which is a given of the Christian life.
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A lot of Christian parents fear that if their kids go to public school, they will abandon their faith, but for me it had the exact opposite effect. I leaned into the my faith even more; I knew that I believed and that I was willing to follow it even if no one around me really did. Don't get me wrong, public school was not a walk in the park. We had some not-so-great teachers, occasionally kids got in fights, and there were days where I felt lucky because I only heard the ‘F’ word one or two times. In reality though, I think my time in public school shaped not only my empathy and understanding of others, but it strengthened my faith.
Is everything on this list exclusive to going to public school? Of course not, but I do think public school provides so many more opportunities to interact with people who not only are different from you, but who have possibly never heard the gospel before.
As someone living in a very homeschool-centric community, I just wanted to share a different perspective. While I know many people choose homeschooling or Christian school simply because it is what works best for their family, I definitely sense that some (not all) Christian parents who choose to homeschool do it out of fear for their child’s well-being, whether they admit that or not.
They are afraid of them being led astray by other kids, they are afraid of them being led astray by their teachers who may have different beliefs. They might be afraid that their kid won’t achieve as much if they have to go at the same pace as everyone else. They are afraid that if anyone other than them and their family has a place of “teaching” in their lives that the kids will completely abandon their faith and everything they’ve taught them. I get it. A lot of teenagers and young adults are walking away from their faith, and it leaves us afraid that our kids will do the same.
If you want to choose homeschool (or even Christian school) for your kids, that is your right. There is absolutely nothing wrong with it, and in many cases it might be exactly what your child or your family needs! I just want to say this, please do not choose homeschool or Christian school out of fear. God is sovereign no matter what...you should be able to trust him fully whether your kid is learning about Algebra from you or from a Bernie-Sanders-supporting-Atheist public school teacher (although, news flash: that doesn’t describe most public school teachers that I know...and I AM a public school teacher).
And if you wish you could homeschool your kid or send them to Christian school, but you aren’t able to, just know that God can use public school, too. He used my time in public school to strengthen my faith, teach me empathy, and shape me into the person I am today...and I'm thankful for that experience.
-Katie
PS: If you choose homeschool or Christian school for your kids, what do you love most about it? If you are a public school kid like me, what was your experience like? Tell me in the comments!