A Different Path: Adopting a Waiting Child from Foster Care

When I first started looking into adoption several years ago, I thought there were only three routes from which to choose:

1. Adopt internationally

2. Adopt an infant domestically

3. Become a foster parent and *maybe* be able to adopt eventually

Turns out there were several other ways to adopt that were not on that list, but I had no clue!

What I thought would happen

I was almost positive we would adopt internationally. After all, Nick grew up in Brazil and we both lived in the Dominican Republic together for our first three years of marriage. It seemed to make sense that we would go that route. Sure, we worried about the huge expenses that come along with it, but I knew that if we were supposed to do it, God would provide the finances to make it possible.

However, God had other plans for our family. After hearing about the foster care needs in our area, we felt a tug on our hearts to go in a different direction. We decided to become foster parents. We started with the plan to just be a safe family for kids who needed it, no matter how long. While our hearts longed to adopt, we knew we’d probably have to walk the difficult (but rewarding) road of foster care before that would happen.

Another Path: Adopting a Waiting Child

Through our research and talks with others who had adopted from foster care, we learned that there was another option for adopting...you could adopt a waiting child from foster care. I had never heard of this before. I thought that if you were going to adopt a child from foster care, you had to be their foster parent for a few years before that would even be a possibility. However, adopting a waiting child from foster care is a very different process.

In this scenario, you are licensed as a foster parent in your state, but you don’t really do foster care. Instead, you are matched with a child who is already free for adoption, but whose foster family is not able to adopt them. As we learned more about this possibility, we knew this is the path we should take.

How does it work?

Adopting a waiting child from foster care is not as difficult as it may appear. Also, it is so much less expensive than other adoption choices, which makes it much more feasible for the average family. Please note that we live in Ohio, and some of this can vary state to state. However, I think the process is similar in most other places!

1. Choose an agency: First, you need to choose an agency that specializes in adoptions from foster care. I think in some states you can also go through the county instead of a private agency. We chose an agency recommended by some friends from church who had adopted. We absolutely love our agency because all three women who work there have adopted children from foster care!

2. Take your classes: Once you are accepted by the agency, you can begin your training classes. Some agencies offer “power weekends” where you can get a lot of training done over an entire weekend, while others offer classes that are more spread out. These classes can feel long and tedious at times, but they are SO worth it in the end! We learned a lot from those classes, and I think it will become more helpful the older Brielle gets. I think we took our classes/did our homestudy over the course of 4-5 months, but it can be done faster depending on your agency and how busy you are.

3. Complete your homestudy: Your homestudy is not just when they check the safety of your home (although that is part of it), but it is the entire process of taking classes, filling out paperwork, being interviewed, etc. To be honest, this process was not nearly as difficult or scary as I thought it would be. Is it time consuming? Sure, but when you are doing something to add to your family, it is worth the work! (It also may have felt easy to us because our social workers were so awesome...I realize this may not be the case for everyone!)

4. Get your license: After your homestudy is submitted and approved, you will get your license! In our state, you have to maintain your license every few years by taking a few more classes.

5. Wait for a match: To be honest, this is the hardest part of all. The entire adoption process often feels like “hurry up and wait,” and waiting for your future child with no end date in sight can be challenging. When you are pregnant, you know it is going to be 9 months (give or take). With adoption, you have no clue!

During this time, your agency will be submitting your homestudy for waiting children who would be a good fit in your family. If you are considered for a child, your social worker will let you know and you will give your official yes or no.

6. Get Matched: This is the exciting part..getting matched! In total, we waited about 6 months from the time we got our license before we were matched, and we were considered for two other cases before we were chosen for Brielle! It was almost one year from the time we attended our first adoption training.

7. Meet your child: Once you are matched with your child, you will get to meet him or her for the first time. Typically if you are adopting within your own state there is an adjustment phase where you visit your child on weekends at their foster home for a month or so before they move in with you. Even though it is difficult to leave them during the week, I think this is an important time for the child. It helps them get used to you and feel more comfortable before leaving everything they know. This was especially true in our case of adopting a toddler who couldn’t quite understand what was happening.

8. “Foster” your child: After a month or two of getting to know your child, he or she will move into your home and join your family! For at least 6 months, you will be “fostering” your child. This is an adjustment/buffer period before you can finalize your adoption. While this is considered a fostering period, it is much different than doing normal foster care because you won’t have court dates, parental visits, etc. This child is already free for adoption, so you know that as long as everything goes well, you can officially adopt them after six months.

The reasoning behind this foster period, from what I gather, is to make sure that the family is certain they are going to stick with the adoption. As sad as this is, sometimes a family commits to adopting a child and backs out once they realize it’s too difficult. This is a much more difficult and painful process for the child if the adoption has already been finalized. During this 6 month period, you will have different social workers visiting your home to check up on how you are doing. We had excellent social workers, so these visits were actually helpful for us. We could explain some of Brielle’s behaviors and get a gauge on how she was doing from their perspective.

9. Finalize the Adoption: Once the six months is up, you will be able to find a lawyer and finalize your adoption! Sometimes it takes a little longer than six months, but probably no more than 8-10. After this, you are officially a family!

Our journey of adopting our daughter from foster care came with challenges; I won’t pretend that everything was sunshine and rainbows. There were some hard days. We were hit, kicked, bitten, and screamed at. She grieved the loss of her foster family and her biological mom. We grieved the simpler life we left behind...but it has also been one of the most rewarding journeys of my life. Each month gets a little easier. Each diaper change, meal, bedtime lullaby, and hug builds her trust in us, and builds our love for her even higher.

There are thousands of kids out there who need a family to support them throughout their lives, the good times and the bad. Most people think they could never adopt or foster, but many of them are perfectly equipped to provide a loving home to a child in need. I know that adoption is not for everyone, but I do think it could work for a lot of families who haven't considered it. I hope that by sharing our story, more families will rise up and say “yes” to adoption.

If you are considering adoption, please comment or reach out to me at lacasadekatie@gmail.com. I’d love to answer any questions you have!